For those who've seen the Owen Wilson/Eddie Murphy movie, I-Spy: ... RIIISE-en....

Movie begins some time after The Dark Knight, Bruce Wayne is pretty much reclusive and is kinda a cripple (I guess for being outta Batwork for a while and his Dark Knight suit not really protecting him that well because he needed less weight so that meant LESS ARMOR) which makes him and his house easy pickings for Anne Hathaway who plays the master of burglary, Catwoman, disguised as a french maid.

"Oh no, Master Waynes! She stoles our preciouses, she must be eatens and dies!!!"
-Gollum

So Wayne gets a hair up his butt, gets himself cleaned up and tries to woo the chick that stole his shit, THEN decides to become the Dark Knight again as he hears of a sinister crime wave led by a weirdo in a mask that walks around and talks kinda like one of those old saloon barkeeps that grab their suspenders... But I also picture the Monopoly man to act like this as well.

"Tell me... Why do I walk around like this? And what's up with my mask? Seriously... We didn't really get into it..."
-(Tom Hardy) Bane

"I'm a South American mercenary hopped up on a super steroid called Venom! Can't say what you have going on..."
-(Bane) Bane

So Batman is betrayed by Catwoman and his ass gets kicked, broken by Bane and imprisoned where Bane spent his life since he was a child; in a prison located God knows where. Meanwhile, Bane pretty much uses an army of criminals and remnants of the League of Shadows to take control of Gotham. The police, including a young patrolman named John Blake (played by Joseph Gordon Levitt and secretly knows the identity of Batman), have formed a resistance group similar to the new Red Dawn movie and are trying to fight off the criminal horde. So Bruce winds up physically  rehabbing his body in a dusty old prison with no medical facilities and a busted spine yet escapes to lead the Gotham branch of the Wolverines (Red Dawn reference) against the evil criminal overlords. Oh, and he even trusts Catwoman to do the right thing... Yeah, the bitch that led him into a dark hole to get his spine broken by Bane in the first place...

"Bruce, my boy... Gotta give you credit for your heart, dedication, and big set of balls... But you're not that bright, are you?"
-Bane

So yeah, LOTS of things in this movie I hate from Catwoman shooting people (any thief knows if you murder mobsters, people are gonna come after you and she's supposed to be the greatest of thieves), John Blake's secret last name being revealed at the last scene in the movie (Robin), Bane not really true to Bane (story's pretty spot on with the whole childhood in prison thing but there's NO mention of experimental steroids or anything like that), Alfred pretty much says "f*** you and your alter ego persona, I'm leaving" (tell me, does that sound like the loyal butler of Batman?), and the daughter of Ra's Al-Ghul is in the movie but all the times I've seen her in comics, games, and cartoons she always resents her father for using her as a shield against Batman whereas here she's like a devoted cult follower to him even though he abandoned her ass as a child and left her in a stinky hole (SPOILER ALERT!!! SPOILER ALERT!!! It's the same prison Bane and Batman were in and they made her story ALMOST like Bane's in the comics).

So what're my final thoughts on Dark Knight Rises? Well, action/fight scenes are good, special effects are well done, scenes are very emotional, but it doesn't feel like a movie about the world's greatest detective, it feels more like Red Dawn 2: Batman Takes Charge. Characters don't even feel true to numerous Batman comics or cartoons, even the previous movie moral where they say "sometimes people deserve MORE than the truth, people deserve heroes" they pretty much thrown out the window and said "yeah, we bullshitted all of Gotham including Bruce Wayne, we were wrong for lying." Even the title is misleading: Dark Knight Rises, they always advertised and the movie shows (technically 3 times: Beginning, where Bane throws him in prison, and the ending where, I won't reveal what happens, but THE BAT IS GONE) Batman being psychologically AND physically being broken. Sure, he comes back but The Dark Knight Falls sounds much more true to the plot. This film sadly could've been a lot better and feels like the writer and director forgot what makes Batman really Batman. The Dark Knight Rises gets a lousy 2 out of 5 wannabes calling themselves Bane. I mean what's next, a Nightwing movie where Riddler is an idiot made out to be like Killer Croc?!?! Ugh... Batman hardly even comes out at night in this movie, and that was his thing, he ALWAYS comes out when night fell!

"Tell me... Do I not look cool and badass though?"
-Bane

That you do, and you look 10 times as awesome as Catwoman which is a shame as I always loved Catwoman but they made her look too much like the Adam West Catwomen, not nearly as original as the character deserves...

"But I have nightvision goggles as my ears!"
-Catwoman

You're not supposed to shoot people, every smart thief knows that! And why have a mask if you have goggles?! Makes no damn sense!!! That mask hides your identity as well as Clark Kent's glasses anyway and the people in the movie figure out who you are! It's freakin' pointless!