America redoing a fun and cheesy classic? Yeeeeaaaahhhh... That worked SOOOOOOOOO WELL in 1998 when they made the one with Mathew Broderick...

Movie begins with these old photo slides revealing Godzilla, King of the Monsters, back in the 40s during the atom bomb tests. Then we see it's late 90s and these scientists find a huge dinosaur skeleton along with these giant egg sacks and one was hatched before the scientists show up. Then there's an American family in Japan, the mom and dad work at a power plant and this Earthquake happens, destroys the plant, radiation is about to leak out and the American dad has to shut the doors to prevent a nuclear catastrophe, trapping his wife inside... Come to find out, the Earthquake is rhythmic and therefor not a phenonema of the Earth's plates shifting... From the previews you think it's Godzilla but noooooo, with our American movies we have to make shit overly emotional and the cool stuff don't come until later.

So now it's present day and this Army guy's got some leave to see his family. Come to find out it's the kid of the nuclear workers, he's all grown up and is making out with his wife/girlfriend when she gets a phone call (Which he keeps saying, "Just ignore it, tell them you need to please your man." WHAT AN ASS!!! ) and the guy's dad is in jail in Japan for trespassing into a quarantined zone trying to find out what caused the accident all that time ago. So Army guy goes to Japan to bail his dad out of jail, the dad convinces the Army guy to trespass with him into the disaster's quararantined zone, and surprise surprise... No radiation... AND NO GODZILLA EITHER!!! They get arrested and in the quarantined zone is the creature that hatched which is sending out this rhythmic pulse, no one's sure why... Then the dad explains he spent all the time figuring it out, the creature's feeding the radiation from the plant. They shut down the reactors and the creature (Which I felt was designed poorly) throws a fit and leaves... The dad who wanted a reason why his wife died, well... He dies in the helicopter from injuries when the creature had it's food supply cut off.

"GOOOOOOOODDDD!!! ... You guys... Are... IDIOTS!!! ... Why can't you just make me fun like I used to be? I still had cool sci-fi stories! ... Just the effects were cheesy..."
-Godzilla

So yeah, now the scientists are talking with the military and explaining why the Army guy's dad died. They revealed when they did nuclear weapons test they were trying to kill a living dinosaur they called Godzilla.. Who still hasn't shown up yet and originally was like a hybernating dinosaur that woke up and was mutated from the nuclear tests! ... Ugh... So LATER... One of the blocky, metallic, giant bug parasite things that they call a Muto is descovered on the Hawaiian island of Oahu, eating the reactor from a Russian nuclear submarine... FINALLY Godzilla shows up on Waikiki beach (Which was super cool as I was there back in 2012 so I recognized some of the buildings)...

"I am here to kick ass and chew bubblegum... And for some reason I look more like a turtle now with a squishy face, squishy toes, and no neck..."
-Godzilla

I'm sorry, I know the 2000s Godzilla looked like an alligator, and this Godzilla is supposed to be more friendly so they tried to give it a happier appearance but COME ON!!! What's next, patterning him off the Geico Gecko?! At least there's a great fight scene that's gonna happen, right? Not really... The majority of it you see on a news report back at the Army guy's wife's home in California saying "Honolulu devastated." Next we see a scene of Honolulu in rubble... RIPOFF!!!

There's more scenes with that Army jackass guy (Not forgiving you! Your dad was right and although you wear a military uniform you're a wuss for not facing your grief... Poser.), more scenes with the Muto, lots of disaster and chaos, Army nitwits shooting giants with M4s right next to civilians (Yeah, THAT'S gonna work... Good luck with NOT getting the attention of the monsters and getting your countrymen killed... Dumbes. Soldiers. Ever.)

The final fight scene at the end makes up for all the crap but overall, this just feels like a disaster movie starring those crappily designed bug parasite Mutos and Godzilla makes an appearance... Doesn't really FEEL like a Godzilla film to me. It's okay though, not great either. I give it a 2 out of 5.