The Witcher is a Role Playing Game built with a modified version of BioWare's Aurora engine: Which was also used in such games as Dragon Age: Origins and Star Wars: Knights Of The Old Republic. So yeah, expect awesomely addicting (Yet VERY nerdy) RPG gameplay...

What exactly is a Witcher? Well... They're professional monster slayers, trained in alchemy, mutated to give themselves advantages over their enemies, and love sex... I'm not messing with you there. Where some games like Knights Of The Old Republic has romances, and Dragon Age has a single non-nude sex scene with a character you romance with, The Witcher has SEVERAL female characters for you to win their favor, so you can take them to bed. The actual sex scene itself is blurred, there are some provocative intro scenes depending on who you're interacting with, but you get these collector's cards of the women you... Well, you know. Personally I think the nude collector's cards are a little silly but also very unique for the game and somewhat entertaining... Yes... By now you should realize, "Mad Wolf's a straight guy who likes boobs."

I'M NOT SHOWING A PICTURE OF BOOBIES!!!

The plot of the game is you play Geralt, a Witcher believed to be dead by most and has lost his memory (Go figure), who has been brought to a castle the Witchers use as their home. A short time later, a legion of bandits wearing Salamander badges attack your small order of monster slayers and are after the secrets of the Witchers' alchemy laboratory. After the battle you head to a town and discover these unknown Salamander people call themselves... Wait for it... The Salamandra! I don't know about you, but slimy newts don't strike me as a fearful image for an army of bandits... Just reminds me of the Geico Gecko commercials...

"I'm here to beat your skull in and eat your brains, mate!" - Geico Gecko

Well, their leader (Who ISN'T Kermit The Frog) is out to change the world and like most bad guys believes he's doing it for the better when in fact he's actually creating a society of anarchy, bloodshed, druggies, all that crap.

"Here I am slaying monsters to help civilized people in society and now civilized people in society are being worse than the monsters? ... Oh well, more coin for decapitations... It's a living."
- Geralt of Rivia, Witcher

This is the part I get into complaints. For starters, the bad guys talk a LOT of smack and act all badass and superior to everyone else... Except these are the bad guys that're too gutless to fight you one on one and prove themselves. Why? Because these kinda bad guys are little bitches and talking smack is their way of compensating their lack of balls. Seriously! One bad guy acts super intelligent and says "Can Witchers truly parry arrows?" Then shoots a fresh recruit with his crossbow and while running away (Like a pussy) says "Just another legend." Another bad guy is a mage revered for his study for forbidden and powerful black magic, and he boasts EVERYTIME you see him! But everytime you get the idea "Time to see how good this guy is" he summons his minions to fight for him, one part he runs while the previous bad guy I mentioned is expected to take you on, during the final chapters of the game he just goes on and on how great he is, then says...

"You dare challenge me and my powers?! ... Fight this experiment of mine while I run to the next room... Oh, she's dead?... Okay... Fight this giant crab I have for a pet... Oh, you killed him too. Okay, I guess you can fight me now... In this room... That I cornered myself into..."
- Azar Javed, main evil bad guy

Yeah, these guys are nowhere as great villians as Darth Maul, Darth Vader, Terminator, ED-209, Predator, they REALLY need to go back to villian school. My other complaint is the sex stuff... Yeah, I know I mentioned how I like boobs earlier but for the most part the dialogue is like "Oh,what a nice gift/favor. Let's have sex." or "Thanks for saving me, let's have sex." And even though you can have romanctic relations with some characters, you still can hook up with these other whores despite the romances. Plus the ending, as awesome and climatic as it is, really doesn't provide closure for your romances. I mean it ends with a cliffhanger to Witcher 2 but COME ON!!! Throw me a freakin' bone here! And apparently, the girl I romanced with isn't even in Witcher 2!!! Not cool...

"I love you, Geralt...." - Shani
"I love you too. By the way, I sleep with other women and you're not in the next game."  - Geralt
"Whaaaaaaaaaaat?!?!?!" - Shani
"Wait... Is that bad?" - Geralt

Overall, the storyline is pretty interesting, cinematics are well done, character personalities are pretty good (With the exception of the pathetic wuss bad guys). If you're into more adult themed fantasy stories like Conan, be sure to check out The Witcher. I give this game 4 out of 5 slain monster skulls.