Wow... 14 years in the making. That's uh... Hmm... Yeah...

I was never really a fan of the gameplay of Duke Nukem 3D. It got difficult, the button puzzles got annoying, the music was ambient and too creepy for an action game, there was A LOT I would've liked to see done differently. I'm more a fan of the side scrolling action awesomeness that is Duke Nukem II...

Yes... If you shoot soda cans in DN2 they rocket into the air! Yay! But enough of that, we're talking about Duke Nukem 3D 2 here...

Despite my numerous annoyances with DN3D, I was wanting to try DNF when it was announced it would be coming out early 2011... But do good things really come to those that wait?

Some say the graphics are dated and shitty but I dunno, they look pretty damn good to me. These beasties are supposed to be the same evil chick stealing alien douches from DN3D but you know, seeing how 12 years have passed in the game's timeline maybe we should've fought something new, but I guess they wanted to keep it a direct sequel to DN3D and keep it true to it's predecessor.

A few annoyances in DNF is Duke is a muscle beefcake that can bench press over 600 pounds... I shit you you not, in the game you CAN actually bench press 600 lbs. and it even states this weight limit in loading screens! This doesn't bug me, what does is that even though he's pumped enough to level a Terminator with his fists he's TOO much of a modern warfare sissy so he can't carry more than 2 guns at a time! WHAT THE HELL?!?!?! I highly doubt his clothes, a few pipebombs and trip mines, a shotgun, and ripper machine gun weigh more than 150 pounds! Hell, I know for a fact pistols don't even weigh 5 pounds! And they don't even try to justify it saying "Damn, old age is getting to me" or anything like that! Game developers just expect you to think "Meh, it's the Call Of Duty/Halo thing. Worked for them, it'll work for us." Yeah, try to remake Doom like that and I expect people would riot.

"Aliens haven't beaten me but old age, STDs, and smoking has... Can't carry a Pistol, SMGs, Shotgun, and rocket launchers anymore, have to make choices what 2 guns I have so I don't run out of breath and break sweat when I'm running around trying to save the world... Decisions, decisions." 
- Duke Nukem

They released an update, where there's an option Duke can carry 4 guns in the game options menu but c;mon! It's a video game! Limitations aren't necessary!!! My other annoyance isn't as bad, they merely did the stupid regenerating health crap again like they do in virtually ALL first person shooters now including the awesomeness that is Wolfenstein. Although they tried to justify it by calling the health bar "Ego" so people think when you're shot you're not nearly as hurt as much as your ego... *crickets chirp*

"Remember: If you've been shot, hurting and in pain, just run and hide and it'll magically get better! Don't worry about that hole in your chest gushing blood, that doesn't need medical attention at all."
- Master Chief and Duke Nukem

That's all for the really disappointing stuff, the shooting part I rather enjoy, puzzles can be a minor pain but nothing extremely terrible, the adult content is okay but sometimes taken a bit far... You go into an alien hive which has wall boobs that you can slap and sphincter doors that Duke fingers... Weird. I mean, in this day and age nudity is in quite a few video games and doesn't have to get censored in some odd way but this was actually kinda gross. Another way the sex is taking way to far is you've got a soccer mom sees Duke when he's shrunk down to the size of a toy... Umm... I mean action figure... Anycrap, she says "Ohhhh, I know right where I'd stick him." right in front of her 7-10 year old son... Yeah, great thing to say in front of your kid who is standing right next to you, woman. Strippers = okay, other stuff = kinda bat shit crazy.

And of course, you've got REALLY ditzy chicks... They exist in real life and are spoiled for attention, I see no reason why they wouldn't harass Duke Nukem... Felt a little bad when they exploded though. Another part I think sucks is aliens are taking chicks right? For some reason you can't help them escape their gruesome impregnated and exploding fate. What kind of hero does that? I mean shit, what if Ripley did that crap in Aliens?

"Well Newt, hate to break it to you but I really just don't wanna break this web cocoon thing you're trapped in and save you... Well take care, honey! Don't forget to... Riiiiiiiiiiiight, you're gonna die horribly really soon. Sorry, I forgot about that." 
- Ellen Ripley

This bugged me when they did the exact same thing in Duke Nukem 3D: Can't actually save the babes. They just sit there, in the nude, with this look that says it all; "This sucks. Get me the Hell out of here!" And Duke doesn't bother to save them, what the Hell is wrong with him?!?!

Now I've joked around but this game really isn't the worst game of the last 10 years, not by a long shot. I did feel things could've been done differently, it is a bit offensive but then again so can the cartoons on Fox Sunday nights. I say it gets 3 alien eyeballs out of 5... Not worth $60, I'd say it's worth maybe $20-$30... But I find it WAY more enjoyable than the Call Of Duty and Halo series.