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Forum Home > Games > Sonic The Hedgehog (PS3/Xbox 360, 2006)

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I'm reviewing what a lot of people can consider as the worst Sonic game ever and the murdering of the blue dude with a 'tude...

It's a glitchy mess! The load screens are too long and there's too many of them! We were promised something else! It's got broken controls! Someone ate my taco! Pretty much think of ANY conplaint made on modern games, Sonic '06 was hit with it. But what do I,  lifelong fan of the Sonic games and not a paid corporate writer that praises Halo and CoD just because they have Halo and CoD titles, really think of the game? For starters, I'd say the game does NOT go back to "it's roots". Sonic originally was a Hedgehog that fought back against the mechanical and pollutive dreams of a mad scientist trying to make the world overrun with efficient machines to the point he was roboticizing all the wildlife. This, Sonic's going to some human town and has a bit of a love interest with a human Princess (... Eww...) who he saves from Dr. Eggman/Robotnik. So storyline-wise is NOT back to it's roots. Secondly, the woodland creatures HAD a Princess... Sally Acorn! Why the Hell couldn't the storyline involve the same concept but with Sonic saving the critter peoples! She was in the ending of Sonic The Hedgehog 2 and in the bonus pinball stages of Sonic Spinball! Next on not going back the roots is gameplay: Sonic's roots were NOT 3D nor did the levels go around a hub based city (which is easy to get lost in). Seriously, Sonic '06 feels LESS like going back to roots and more like continuing the Sonic Adventure series...

"Okay... Sega DEFINITELY didn't try to kill me with a rampaging Orca back in the Genesis/Mega Drive days. This is the exact same setup as Sonic Adventure! What the Hell?! I need a chili dog..."
-Sonic The Hedgehog

Load times? Yeah, there's a lot of loading but they're not that bad. I've seen worse loading in Skyrim which CAN have the system lock up and need to be restarted. All these load times are under a minute. As for "broken controls"? Yeah, sure, It feels like Sonic's slipping and sliding on ice but come on, he's got more speed than a McLaren F1! Try taking one of THOSE, equip it with jumpjets, jumping from platform to platform, smashing into bad guys, and see what kinda precision control YOU get! I will say the superfast linear racetrack-like levels are more difficult than the rest of the game however, but that gives the game a bit of challenge. The glitches are bad though... Dropping through floors, hanging from the loops, sliding on invisible walls, not a pretty picture...

"Oh, the antigrav sneaker glitch! Suuuuuuuuuuuure, I remember these from my glory days... NOT!!!"
-Sonic The Hedgehog

But I don't think these things really make the game terrible. Hell, Arktik and I encountered a "drop through the floor to your death" glitch in Ice Cap Zone in Sonic The Hedgehog 3, THAT was a messed up glitch from a time your game software didn't receive online updates. No, what bugs me in Sonic '06 is the Final Fantasy like story involving Eggman/Robutthead trying to unearth the Flames of Disaster and trying to destroy everything (Why he'd want that, I don't know... ), saving the damsel in distress which somehow holds the key to unearthing the Flames of Disaster, a time travelling whiney Hedgehog that does a punk bitch equivalent to Darth Vader force choking people, Shadow fighting a doppelganger of his already bad Hedgehogness, and the romance between Sonic and Princess Elise which just seems gross.

"What is it, Tails?! You're interrupting my makeout session with the Final Fantasy wannabe babe!"
-Sonic The Hedghog...
...Who doesn't seem to care of the lack of bestiality laws in Soleanna... Eww...

Pretty terrible, yeah? Not really. The game is still fun, just not super "play for hours" kinda fun. The human good guys are uncomfortable and kinda creepy to me, especially with how they talk (just flapping their mouths and flailing their arms). It's great when you're in levels, doing stuff and smashing baddies. In the hub world, being sent on errands, buying shit, just gets annoying. I don't care who the guard captain is or playing tag with kids, just let me after Robotnik to save your animal loving Princess! Not for her sake, but to stop Dr. Robotnik! It does seem to have more bad than good though so I feel I have to give it 2 out of 5 Soleanna Princesses and coins that should actually be in a Mario game.


March 3, 2017 at 5:00 PM Flag Quote & Reply

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